Author: duh magnet

Standard chantard copypasta to throw at people who think Naruto is the GREATEST MANGA EVERâ„¢, if you value your energy and SANity. Or making your nephews cry. Whatever works.

“Naruto is basically a bunch of buildups that inevitably lead to shitty payoffs.

For example, the invasion of Konoha? Fucking awesome idea, just toss the baddest ass badguy, the one who killed Jiraiya in and let him run wild. The entire village has to coordinate their attacks and eventually take him down. Then after all is said and done, the other villages can get in on it and try to take advantage of the fall of the greatest village.

Instead what happened is that we get a few chapters of rampaging and dull fights, then Naruto shows up and has a one-on-one fight with him. Then we hear some stupid weepy backstory. THEN NARUTO WINS HIM OVER WITH HIS STUPID, HALF-FORMED SHITTY PHILOSOPHY. AND THEN HE ASSPULLS A RESURRECTION FOR THE ENTIRE VILLAGE.

Two more recent examples are the ninja war and Konan vs. Madara

The ninja war is basically a bunch of slightly larger scale battles than usual instead of an actual battlefield situation, and Konan vs. Madara could’ve been an excellent chance to showcase the abilities of two characters that were largely up in the air, but instead was a giant cop-out. Also, 600 billion exploding tags and Naruto is “light personified” HURR.”

and…

 “I remember when he was just a talentless loser who happened to have a hax demon inside him. Now he’s the 4th Hokages son, related to the Sage of the six paths, his bloodline is super special awesome, he’s the child of the prophecy, he can go super saiyan and every fucking character is now sucking his cock. Pain is giving him a premium blowjob with simply believing him even though Naruto admitted he had no solution. Why? Because he’s fucking Naruto and he’s special. Konan is sucking him off too “hurr durr he’s LIGHT personified” fucking stupid.jpg

Fuck you, Kishimoto. This manga has been an endless, melodramatic and fillerific soap-opera for a long time, but this arc is the last straw.”

and…

“Think of how many Disney films are timeless classics that adult and child alike can enjoy, laugh, cry, and fall in love with. Think of movies like the original Star Wars trilogy, with action and characters and morality that everyone can enjoy and understand at almost any age. Or how about a comedy? Remember Ace Ventura Pet Detective (only the first one, fuck the sequel)? It walked a great line between smart adult humor and juvenile humor, seriousness and sillyness. It was something kids and adults could like equally.

Almost all of those were primarily aimed at the tween-to-teen demographics. None of them used “its for kids,” as an excuse to do FUCKING RETARDED THINGS, as if the fact that its intended audience is below a certain age is all the license you need to be a LAZY, INCOMPETENT FUCKUP IN ALL ASPECTS OF ITS CREATION.

So I sure as hell am not going to let Naruto do it when back in the day it would have never resorted to this kind of bullshit. When Orochimaru summoned the two previous Kage’s, it wasn’t just for their power levelz. They had a personal connection with the Third, and turning them against him was a slap to the old man’s face, showing him the fruition of the research he’d been exiled for AND forcing him to kill his own mentors. There was something more to it than the “HURR ITS COOL” factor. And he certainly didn’t add any fucking Sharingans or anything retarded like that to them just… because.”

and…

“Length isn’t an issue, the problems with Naruto are the fucking retarded plot line, the terrible characters and of course, the pseudo-philosophy thrown at your face . Nobody acts or responds to situations realistically and every problem is solved by TALKING.

In certain circumstances this isn’t a bad thing, but if you think you’re going to stop a traumatized child of war who has just effectively nuked your whole town with words, best be trolling. And Gaara, holy shit Gaara. That dude killed people because he was so traumatized by his father trying to kill him, being unable to sleep, and being betrayed by the one person he thought liked him, not to mention being hated and feared by everyone including his siblings. You think you’re going to solve those problems with BELIEVE IT? REALLY? OR THE ENTIRE ARMY OF SOLDIERS WHO HAVE BEEN KILLING EACH OTHER FOR CENTURIES, CONVINCED TO GET ALONG HUG AND CRY TOGETHER (I’m not making this shit up, I swear) BY A SINGLE MELODRAMA SPEECH FROM GAARA? FUCKING REALLY?

If villains are so easy to convert to good, then we need less ninjas and more therapists in Naruto. The only good villains have been Itachi (who wasn’t really a villain) and possibly Orochimaru. I’m still not sure what the fuck Madara is trying to do, so I can’t say anything about him. And fuck Sasuke, seriously. HURRDURR, my brother died and effectively made himself a villain so that he could protect what he held dear and elevate me to a hero in the eyes of the people: LET ME DESTROY WHAT HE WAS TRYING TO PROTECT. HURRRRRRR”

and…

“Sasuke surviving against Deidara’s final suicide one of the biggest asspulls in shounen over the last decade, only topped by a couple things in Naruto itself. Sasuke had NO chakra left. People can feel each other’s chakra sizes, Deidara said Sasuke had no Chakra left. He couldn’t even maintain sharingan eyes to force Deidara to tell him anything. But somehow, I’m supposed to believe than in the two microseconds after Deidara’s detonation, Sasuke is supposed to have not ONLY summoned a giant snake to shield him, but ALSO to sharingan-spell it nd get inside its mouth? Am I REALLY supposed to think, within the rules set up within that universe and my own common sense, that that is possible, and NOT just a get-out clause?”

and…

“When the hell did they ever forge a relationship that established them as brothers? The last “bro moment” I ever remember them sharing was during the battle with Haku and Zabuza. The rest is a pissing contest and a few glances of jealousy,and one or two minor nods of admiration for skill. However, this does not seem to match up with the image of Sasuke in Naruto’s mind as a brother-he acts like they have been the best of friends all of their lives. With that lack of exposition, it virtually feels like Naruto is chasing after Sasuke for the sheer sake of it.

Telling =//= showing. Just because we’re told that Naruto considers Sasuke a friend doesn’t mean that all readers are automatically convinced. I could go up to a stranger on the street and proclaim that I was their best friend but it wouldn’t make it convincing. In Part I, I could kinda go with the ‘connection’ because although it was underdeveloped and seemed more like friendly rivalry than anything else, there was the issue of how Naruto and Sasuke’s primary socialisation would affect their perception of friendship. However, since that time Naruto has been shown to have been embraced by his peers and village and that would affect how he viewed bonds and friendship.

And yet, after years, he still clings to Sasuke as if the guy stole his virginity. There is no reason for Part II Naruto to call Sasuke a friend and a lot of readers are just a tiny bit pissed off with that.”

and…

“The eyes shit. For whatever reason, almost all of the greatest powers in the world result from powers in people’s eyes. Byakugan, Rinnegan, Sharingan and all of it’s bastard children, etc. This series isn’t even about fucking ninjas anymore (as if it was to begin with), it’s about super heroes exchanging eyeballs. Speaking of eyes, there still hasn’t been an explanation as to how Kakashi activated his Mangekyo Sharingan. Just another thing Kishi forgot.”

and…

“Naruto hyperventilated and collapsed while crying at the thought of Sasuke needing to be stopped. Remember, Naruto had successfully handled his mentor being killed, his village being nuked, and his mother-figure being put in a coma; he even forgave the guy responsible. But the mere thought of having to take Sasuke behind the shed has him collapsing in a panicked pile of childish immaturity. Naruto, ladies and gentlemen: the biggest disgrace of a shonen protagonist ever.

That’s why Naruto is being scared of earthquakes and twisting his ankle, all this after going SSJ. He’s so incredibly retarded thjat he spent an entire volume counting the fauna and flora and researching armadillo penises in the middle of the biggest “war” (and I use this term loosely) to date.

Seriously, why the fuck did we spent the last 50 chapters of Naruto with filler fights and rehashed melodrama about characters we don’t give a fuck about and which we’ll never even see again?”

and…

“The character Naruto has flaws, which might throw some people off, but none of them have any affect on the storyline. They’re just ignored. His social ineptitude has virtually disappeared, his rudeness only shows itself very occasionally and, like I said, it never really has any affect on the direction of storyline or his character development. For a character’s flaws and negative traits to be considered such, they ought to negatively affect things. Naruto’s don’t. In the same way female self-inserts have “flaws” such as being ‘ditzy’ or ‘clumsy’. He’s still the saviour, the prophesized child and everybody loves him. When he beats Pain and Sakura hits him for being reckless… he’s just done a heroic thing and saved the village.

Even when he showcases his astounding stupidity (unfitting of anyone trying to be hokage) or collapses under pressure (always as a convenient excuse to let other characters take the spotlight — hyperventilating and fainting thinking of Sasuke, twisting his ankle, getting fooled by earthquakes and armadillo penises) he gets right back up and goes back to what he was doing and saying before, with no effects to the plot whatsoever, because everyone else thinks he’s “light personified”.

Confirmed for Gary-Stu, about 200 chapters ago.”

and…

“Sasuke; the mildly annoying young fellow who goes from being an unlikable social outcast to being an overpowered wrist-cutter with all the personality of a chunk of cardboard. In his quest for power, which he plans to use to murder his own sibling, he enters the tutelage of a fifty-something Michael Jackson impersonator with a bizarre snake affinity, betrays his friends, and generally acts like an utter moron. Worse yet, the story shifts it’s focus from a balance of all the fantastic side characters to this emo Mary Sue punk. At certain points, you might as well just call the series Sasuke. At one point, he manages to actually kill his brother, only to find out that Itachi threw the match. What’s more, Itachi was dying anyway and only ever had the best intentions at heart, giving his life to protect his home. Sasuke then immediately decides to destroy said village, which makes no sense no matter how you look at it – Kishi gave up and utterly failed in trying to write a reasonable motivation.

Reading Naruto is like playing hopscotch through a field of horseshit — no matter how many times you skip, you’re going to eventually land in shit, but you keep hopping hoping to make it to the end.”

and…

“A comprehensive evaluation of Kishimoto’s art:

Pros:
okay use of perspective

Cons:
Shitty artstyle as a whole, flat lines, unable to draw strong or mixed emotions, blocks of hair make the ugliest and most undetailed hairstyles ever, unattractive females, sameface syndrome, amateur coloring, no shading almost the whole time and when there is, it’s shit tier shading, convoluted action scenes, poor use of speedlines, too many lines, incredibly ridiculous clothing and animals, thinks more lines = better, overall laziness, subliminal homosexual imagery

Kishimoto’s proportions on anything other than characters central to the panel in question are a mess. His facial features are almost constantly off center. He uses the same 4 close up shots regardless of character or mood. He abuses his speed lines even when there’s no action. He uses the same 3 expressions on everyone that isn’t Sasuke being retarded.

His designs have always been shit anyhow. They only become popular between 12yr olds and cosplaying landwhales, everyone else needs to “get used” to the fact that, within the context of the story, bright orange jumpsuits, green longjohns, net tops with some kind of retarded looking utility vest, most of what are essentially ponchos, and plastic sandals look okay and are somehow supposed to be the attire a militia of ninjas wear.”

and…

“Hinata tells Naruto she loves him
Get silently friendzoned

Sakura tells Naruto she loves him
Gets told told to cut the bullshit

Sasuke tells Naruto to stop following him and that he hates all of Konoha
Chase relentlessly

Great job, Kishi.”