Premier League 2013-2014

If Premier League Team Names Were Based On Their Logos

Wipe a tear, guys

Emile William Ivanhoe Heskey has been let go by Villa. Some would say he should have stayed a winger and things might have turned out very differently if nearly every manager in his life wasn’t obsessed with transforming him into a (pretty ineffectual) battering ram. The man has been capped 79 times by England, if you count U21 appearances. So let’s look at the record of other notable English players as well over the years shall we?

Stan Collymore – 3
Robbie Fowler – 34
Paul Gascoigne – 70
Glen Hoddle – 65
Geoff Hurst – 49
Paul Ince – 55
Kevin Keegan – 63
Matt Le Tissier – 29
Paul Scholes – 69
Alan Shearer – 74
Teddy Sheringham – 52

So it’s not hard to make out that Heskey trumps all of them. Heck, he even has more caps than Collymore, Fowler and Le Tissier put together. Now, there are of course caveats…..various players have had more competition for places over their active careers, leading to a reduced number. Still, just look at it and MARVEL. It’s really a stunning indictment of the real depth England had during its “golden generation” phase.

As expected, people are waxing lyrical over his supposed footballing demise. Then again, people have been doing that for the last few years and he’s still employed by a PL club until now. I won’t lay any bets he will fall out of the first division.

“Farewell to one of the greatest England’s footballing talent. Sadly, England couldn’t find the style of football that would have been suitable for him. Shame on you, England!”

“Why would Villa release him? He was one of their best players.”

tsk tsk, be kind ur hecklers. Where would Owen be without him?


Lord Kinnaird with DAT PANTS AND DAT BEARD

I chanced upon this historical wiki after reading the MBM report of the Scotland qualifying game yesterday. Talk about awesome face fungus and trousers. I DEMAND every boring as hell football match be played by people with similar mug rugs and rib-cinching pants.