Can the 90s PLEASE take back its wayward, pen-wielding sons?

As if Liefeld doing stuff for DC wasn’t horrific enough as an abstract concept (much less as reality), he’s restarting a lot of his old properties. A certain Mr Ellis doesn’t seem to be very amused. Need I remind everyone that Liefeld was the Michaelangelo that bought us THIS?

LADIIIIIES.....

I hope his due dilligence into anatomical research has paid off since, though I suspect at the rate Marvel are using up Captain Americas, the property might become as worthless as Jean Grey soon. All he needs is to reclaim his Sith apprentice Pat Lee and we’ll be all set.

P.S: Can everyone just IGNORE Mr Granito the troll? I’ll appreciate it very much. By next year we should have The Core II ready to hit screens just by filming his fantastic escapades.

It's getting hot down here

I’ll show ’em. I’ll show ’em ALL…

Man, it looks even worse in motion now

just award the next season of Jersey Shore to Connor and be done with it

What the hell have you wrought, Jim Lee? Now I understand you’re blissfully reliving the 90s every second in your brainpan, but the world has moved on 11 years. As co-publisher you have final say on any design, so really, the buck stops with you. Almost every costume is a complete mess of busywork and the less said about the incredible hackjobs done on Connor, Dinah, Zatanna and Harley, the better. All that’s missing are pouches and since Unca Rob is back..shudder. If I wanted X-Men team suits I’ll go read effin’ Marvel’s Wolverine and the New Heroic Non-Fearing Schismatic Uncanny Avenging X-Men.

DO NOT PANIC, PRESS CTRL-ALT-DEL

 

So unless you’ve been hibernating under some mossy rock, you should have heard about the DC “reboot” of their entire product line. I’ll not go into ranting screeds about the complete disappearance of their old Earth-2 characters like the JSA including Power Girl and Dr Fate, a JLI with a freaking Great Ten character shoehorned in, some frankly asinine character designs that seems to come straight out from the 90s Jim Lee stable, the complete devaluation of decently written (at least in recent times) characters such as Steph Brown, Tim Drake, Cassandra Cain and Wally West nor the probable and insane decision to persist with the abomination that is Cry for Justice on the continuity map. There’s also THE major sticking issue, trying to pretend The Killing Joke never happened (it’s only been what, 23 years?) However, I haven’t really seen any significant articles discussing the actual economical viability of the DC relaunch, which is why this writeup by Brian Hibbs over at CBR examining the brick and mortar consequences is badly needed.

It’s only basic economics in hindsight, but every SKU obviously needs a basic level of sales to amortize the product sufficiently that it makes bean counter sense for every player in the supply chain to continue producing, distributing and/or selling it. Considering some of the ridiculous levels DC has sunk to get the 52-book launch (seriously, resorting to using Liefeld again for a critical launch period? How long is Hawk & Dove going to last?), it’s pretty much a mockery there’s any economies of scale on their end as well when they’re spread so thin. At the end of the day, it seems that the retail front of the industry is simply going the way of the dodo, and this is less a bold new direction and more a desperate last throw of the dice to find some new casual readers, basically the group that impulse buy iTune tracks here and there.

The risk of course is that they alienate the core customer base which might use this moment as a stepping point in these uncertain times to get rid of an expensive habit, but fail to generate a significant increase in new sales to make up for the drain, or at least long term readers that will continue reading (or paying!) beyond the short initial sales bump. Then there’s the delicate issue of pricing with regards to online buyers, who are once again given the shaft with regards to equal pricing to retail store SKUs. not to mention the elephant in the room: a potential problem in 0-day releases if Apple is your gatekeeper, who can complete fubar any release schedule if and when they feel like it, and they also have a rather egregious censorship policy that might throw spanners into the writing/drawing works when self-censorship has been the norm since the de facto abandonment of the CCA.

All in all, these are uncertain and (and to me) very dark times for the comics industry. And that’s not even considering the eye-rolling bandwagon effect.

And I Feel Fine

Geological stability sure is a bitch, ain’t it? And now we’ve gotten that out of the way, to the more important things we go:

"Don't worry, we've got a few millenia worth of practice..."
“Don’t worry, we’ve got a few millenia worth of practice…”

Hmm, I’ve got a few myself here if they need any…

“I think it’s patently clear that the Doctor has once again saved the entire world, this time from the insidious alien menace known as The Rapture.”

“There will be no Rapture until Duke Nukem Forever is released.”

“Our souls WERE raptured! That means we’re all zombies right now!” *Then Magia starts to play*

“He was pleased with the blow-up dolls and decided to spare us.”

“The Quakinator was past its warranty date and he has to bring it back to the factory in Andromeda.”

“Obama stopped the antigrav beams with his nigger powers!”

“Obama casts Planar Seal”

“God only has 56k of bandwidth, you insensitive clods! Gonna take a while to transfer 10^22 bytes.”

But wait…..what do we have here?

That's one lava font that's staying on message

Grimsvotn:I took Midas Money from some dude named Camping, SO?

A few nervous moments there….but look, up in the sky!

OHHHHH YEEEAAAAAH FEEL THE DROP
NOT ON MY WATCH, J-DUDE!

BONESAW DIED FOR US, PRAISE BE HIS NAME AND MAY HE SUP WELL WITH KAMINA IN VALHALLA.

EDIT:Wait, WUT? Why didn’t anyone tell me Satirewire is active again? Brilliant weekend.