Category: TV

RECAP of the Last Episode of  Taiwan Long Juan Feng

So, It ends.

And what a damn boring ending it was.  After taking a shower, and ironing my pants, the damn folks are still not done shooting their guns at one another.

In fact, I don’t even understand why they carry pistols when they hardly shoot the damn thing. (and since they don’t shoot, why are the police wearing bullet proof vest!?)

So, the ep begins with Huang Ping Qiu getting executed by a bullet through the head, which is an irony cos I recalled #1 Killer A-De couldn’t even kill him when he emptied a magazine at point blank range.

Then I went to take a shower and everyone was on the rooftop threatening each other with their guns.  (Gun control is a major issue in Taipei. It’s as if every one and their mother can just whip out a pistol from nowhere)

After 20mins of empty threats, Zhilong took the place of sour puss Jiayi and leapt to his death, falling to his death in slo mo while recalling all the awesome stuff he done :

Killed my fake dad

Killed my real dad

Killed my dad- in – law

Made real mum cry x 20 times

Made my wife cry x 14 times

Killed my dad in law (oh, I said that already)

Made sweet love with Yvonne

Man, I am Awesome.

*splat*

Somehow the good guys managed to get the guns, Jiayi slapped Angel, the latter looked shocked! (this is one thing I can never understand about the show, the woman killed their brother, and she’s like… “is this slap necessary!?!) anyways, back to the show…

shot Angel in the leg, nobody shoots, everyone bargaining for soemthing , police arrives, Angel refuses to surrender, ran to jump off the roof

Second best bit of the show : Nobody amongst the 20 odd gun welding folk even bother to shoot the villainess as she slo mo run her way off the edge of the roof, yet they keep repeating her name hoping she’ll stop running.

Hello!?!?!

Anyway, Angel meets the floor. Splat.

Fast forward, to the living room and this is the moment everyone.

Three hundred, Seventy-One episodes later, and it boils down to these two last sentences from Mr Huang Zhizhong

“Life is full of up and downs, Life is full of joy and sorrow…

BUT….the lesson in life is…

<Jia he wan shi xing, He le jiu shi li liang!> YAY !!!!!!!

to this I say… KNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Word to your mother.

Literally just finished watching the remaining half hour of Taiwan Long Juan Feng.

More thoughts from me! (Amazingly I can’t stop blogging about this show)

RECAP  – The Penultimate episode #370 (or something..okay, I lost count!)

Usually the second last ep are the good eps where the show still manages to start tying things up, yet leaves some traces of the DNA of the actual show we follow.  TW LJF has none of this.

For almost the entire run of the series, we learn that this Huang Family has been trying to fucking build this MRT or some shit, though nothing ever gets built, yet two thousand contracts has been signed by corporates within these 300 over eps (in the midst of all the drug rapes and gun pointing)

So, what do we actually get from this all crap-tastic ep?  A fucking will that seemed to be written by Grandpa Huang whose ang mor name was probably Nostradamus.Why? He predicted the bloody future , thats why.

The will probably rendered the entire series redundant. All the fighting, raping, maiming, drugging, more raping, more scheming, etc. For Nothing!

The writers basically retcon the entire series!

What the will said* (my version..well..its still 70%  there lah.)

“my name is blah blah blah, i done many bad things in my life…and decided to atone for my mistake by…LETTING MR A DO SO AND SO BECAUSE I LET HIM DOWN AND ALTHOUGH I LET HIM HANDLE THE BUSINESS

I SHALL STILL BE THE LEGAL OWNER OF SAID BUSINESS

SO IN THE EVENT OF MY DESCENDANTS GROWING UP AND HAVE TO FIGHT FOR THIS POTENTIAL RAILWAY LINE 30 YEARS INTO THE FUTURE

THEY WILL STILL OWN THE PIECE OF LAND THEY WILL POTENTIALLY SPEND 361 EPISODE FIGHTING OVER

(and to make sure they will not find this will)

i shall not tell anyone i wrote this letter until at the point of episode 340 i will leak news that i may possibly have left this secret will that nobody knows so that they can spend 20 eps searching for it and then the will will undo everything we thought happened for the 320 eps before it.

and this secret will be held by this person who won’t even appear in the show.

ugh. i die. thank you.”

– Signed, Dead Grandpa Huang

Stay tuned for the Finale of the show. Subtitle : Why 20 pistols can’t stop a running woman jumping off the goddamn roof.

As the Taiwan Tornado departs from our shores on 19th Jan 2011; I thought it is fitting to actually blog about this insanely over the top Taiwanese Soap Opera why I love watching this shit.

1. Lin Anna – crazy bitch who kept scheming on every evil plan to be the #1 in the Huang family only to have every scheme blow up in her face. She’s kinda like Wile E Coyote only pretty (not in this show, but in Ai!)
2. Huang Zhizhong – The Human Spanish Fly who can get almost every woman’s panties wet by simply grinning his stupid idiot grin. So charming he turned a lesbian straight. This bugger is also faultless.  Raped a woman one day, only to have her fall in love with him weeks later.
3. Yuan Zhilong -Zhizhong’s half brother, who was gay one day, straight and devoted lover the next, always filial to his chio mum. Always scheming.
4. Speaking of Zhilong, the mofo killed his own stepdad, yet all is forgiven and forgotten much later on.
5. Nobody gets laid unless… they get drug-raped/gang raped, were fucked cos the other fella was eyeing on his/her money or has their anus raped by prisoners. Tossed Salad is a popular dish even when you’re in a detention cell.
6. A guy can get shot at point-blank range for 10 over shots, only to come out unharmed. (Huang Pingqiu)
7. However, one can get unceremoniously dumped outta the show too as Zhihan, sister of Zhizhong was in the show one day, and the next, simply died in a plane crash…over the Grand Canyon.  Biggest contribution to the sub-plots : repeatedly falling in love with the same guy over and over again…even after his dick got snipped off.
8. A-De, a ruffian who suddenly had a new wardrobe the moment he became the love interest of a rich daughter…who was kidnapped by him.  Stockholm syndrome, this show is deep man.
9. Too much love will kill ya – Everybody who raped will get AIDS.  And the window period is…. 1 day.
10. Surprisingly nobody I know who speaks Hokkien can tell me what the Hell does “Hiong Jit Buay” (the chrous) means.

I dun think I’ll even get a chance to miss the actors literally the whole cast will be back in some other show which starts airing on Thursday!

I was just channel surfing this evening while waiting for “Sportscenter” to start at 10pm when I chanced upon “Honour and Passion” on Channel 8.  And for the next 20 minutes or so, I was simply engrossed with the MediaCorp Drama series.

You see, in that short span of time, I felt I have seen two interesting romantic scenarios which urges me to address it in this entry.

Love Crime A

Rui En learns that her dad (Huang Wenyong) has been recently smitten by a young (and hot) lady friend in the form of Ong Ai Leng, recently.  Since their meeting, Mr Lucky SOB has outright rejected the affections of a long-time family friend (Hong Huifang) whom through the years have been played the role of a surrogate mother to Wenyong’s children.

My Verdict :

Aww… ain’t that a shame? While Hong Huifang herself once played the role of the tramp back in her hey days of ‘Samsui Woman” (which was what, 1985?) You can’t blame Wenyong’s heartless decision. I mean, look at the pictures I posted !!! Have you seen Ong Ai Leng? Seriously! This is a no-brainer. There is simply no way in God’s green Earth would you find a red blooded man who would do otherwise.  I don’t even care if she’s a scheming bitch who’s eyeing on his CPF money, from what I see, no amount of SAF money can buy a man such good luck.  Whats the chances of a bloke of his age and looks scoring with a woman like Ai Leng?

Redcon One* to the Encik Huang.

(Army talk for Grade A)

Love Crime B

Mr Commando, Tay Ping Hui learns that the woman of his dreams, Artillery Captain Felicia Chin only has eyes for his own baby brother played by Bryan Wong. Like all love-triangles, Bryan of course, has no interest in Felicia (or he probably don’t dare to incur the wrath of his red beret and probably half-insane elder brother).

Later on, the lovestruck dumbass commando has really performed the ultimate gut-wrenching love-kamikaze.   After learning about Felicia’s birthday lunch/dinner date with Bryan, Ping Hui managed to secretly arranged a pair of singing Indian waiters to bring out a cake plus a present (a Tag Heuer) for the pleasantly surprised Felicia, while pleading for Bryan through SMS to “grant her her dream date”.

*Cue : Ping Hui leaving the restaurant with his heart in two*

My Verdict :

Now somebody pleeeeeeeeeeze explain this to me.

Boy meets girl. And girl goes for …the Gay guy.

Hello?????  There was even a scene where the baffled Rui En (she’s their sister) even asked Felicia why she would go for Mr Savvy rather than the grunt.

Felicia’s answer? “Personality clash, too quiet for her own taste, and…she relish a challenge!”

At that moment of time, I nearly fell over from the chair.

I truly believe, the only reason why girls go for the gay guy is simply ‘cos women love to change a guy. And what better challenge to the woman than to ‘revert’ a homosexual back to a straight guy through the power of her…pu..erm..love.

All I can say is.. Good luck to your ‘mission’, woman, you’ll need it.

Before I end this rant,  I must give commendations to Ping Hui’s portrayal of being the lovefool.  His awkward expressions in the presence of Felicia is really spot-on.  But the real surprise here is Bryan’s straight faced performance.  Gone are the snappy bitchy tones you see of his normal self, and instead, we get this super cool successful business dude. Heck, even I would have thought the man was straight.

And by the way, can somebody tell me when in the world did Felicia become such a hot babe? Now there wasn’t one scene in the 20 odd minutes where we have Felicia in uniform, so don’t go telling me its her in the no.3 / no.4.

Wow. It is really amazing how much changes a good hairdo can do to a person.  One day she was this skinny underweight girl with really bad mushroom hairdo and now, she’s this super and matured hot WOMAN in SAF outfit.

Y-U-M-M-Y.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I am in the mood for some Vitagen.